Bility A We can t force change but we can create conditions of safety for survivors We can name harm and stop harmAnd I think that s something people figure out for themselves in practice and case by case how much you can ngage directly with someone who s doing harm how much you stay and work with them through whatever resistance and at what point it may be unproductive or unsafe to do that A really interesting Second Son (Jack Reacher, exploration of what nurturance culture would look like a community that sees people as inherently interconnected and that pushes back against cancel culture How d Turn This World Inside Out by Nora Samaran is a uick read thatxpands upon Samaran s widely read United States of Americana essay The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture The book sxpansion on the topic is carried largely by Samaran s interviews with others I am guessing though I did not count the pages that of this book is interviews that Samaran did with various people than it is her own personal writing I believe this was a smart move by Samaran It is always a smart move to consult a wide range of people for a topic but with this book in particular I found Samaran s personal writings to be limited uite heavily by her personal The Thermals of August experience I assume she is a white cisgender heterosexual woman If I am incorrect in assuming that identity it is because her personal writings center this kind ofxperienceThat is not to say that there is nothing to be gained from the chapters written only by Samaran There is great information about attachment theory the importance in addressing conflict in nuanced ways the seriousness of gaslighting as an abusive behavior how to make a good apology and accept responsibility and others Samaran is also very good at holding onto others humanity in her analyses She Natives: Race and Class in the Ruins of Empire - The Sunday Times Bestseller expresses information in a gentle and accessible way often lacking in discussions of topics within this book The book is well writtenfficiently organized and contains a ton of important information in a very small spaceWhere Samaran falls short is in including a intersectional approach in terms of her writing The way she discusses attachment styles is as if all cis men without a secure attachment are avoidant and all cis women without one are anxious This is not true as studies show that xpressions of attachment styles are similar across genders though they affect genders differently All interactions and relationships seem to center a heterosexual framework as well She does throw in a masculine people in place of the word men and women and femmes in place of women here and there in what I assume is an attempt to be inclusive However she lacks understanding of how masculinities function outside cis heterosexual white men and seems to misunderstand the definitions of and the problems with the phrase women and femmes It shows in some of her writingThe inclusion of interviews by trans women andor women of color such as Serena Bhandar Ruby Smith Diaz Aravinda Anada and others
Do Well To Combat This Lack Of Insight This Is well to combat this lack of insight This is separates Samaran s book from other white hetero cis women s literature that is lacking in these areas Those books also often have something important to offer in terms of the author s personal xperiences and so on The problem with this book lies in the fact that the interviews seem to have been done after the rest of the book was written and thus the learning gained from the interviews is not implemented in her own Lost Horizon essays The ordering of things is oftenssay interview True Prosperity essay interview but when we get to thessays the information within reverts back to the same singular perspectiveAnother issue I
had with Samaran s personal ssays was how she tackled the topic of with Samaran s personal ssays was how she tackled the topic of using her own Dr. Witchs Animal Hospital experiences The beginning of the chapter which discusses how severe theffects of gaslighting can be is a great start The Search Marketing Strategies end of the chapter whichxemplifies the harmful and No Capital Required extreme ways gaslightingxists in community and abuse dynamics is an Programming in Swift excellentnd But in the center Samaran waters down the definition of gaslighting basically using it to mean this person disagreed with me and said it in a mean way This is specifically WordPress Absolute Beginners Guide evident in her secondxample in which a male friend disagreed with her about seeing rent signs in her neighborhood and she labeled this gaslighting because he said it like she was an idiot It is misuses like these of the term that make its The Complete Guide To Associate And Affiliate Programs On The Net Turning Clicks Into Cash existence taken less seriously and hides the fact that we allxperience the world in different ways There is a reason that Girls Like Us eye witness testimonies arextremely flawed Later in the book Samaran details some of the abuse her family Affiliate Marketing Then and Now endured with her father and I am not sure why she didn t draw on that for herxamples of gaslighting Every misunderstanding The Invisible Presence expression of false informationspecially out of ignorance or irritated response is not abuse It can be problematic behavior or a stressful conflict that absolutely needs to be addressed without being treated as abuseBecause of these limitations analyses that should have been included such as conflicts within same gender romantic and other relationships white woman tears that are used to silence people of color the complex nature of trans peoples Clickbank Affiliate Marketing Profits Right Now experiences with gender vs how they are read in the world the complexities of different masculinities when they co occur with other marginalized identities thexistence of masculine women and feminine men the Sticky Wisdom experiences of sick andor disabled people with and so on Luckily the interviews do address many of these things beautifully which is why I still consider this to be a worthwhile read In conclusion my recommendation is to approach this book as a great collection of interviews interspersed with the author talking about her ownxperiences This was also posted to my blo. Nurturance that can begin to repair the harms inflicted by patriarchy white supremacy and capitalism Emerging out of insights in Gender Studies Race Theory and Psychology and influenced by contemporary social movements Turn This World Inside Out speaks to some of the most pressing issues of our ti. Brilliant and a uick conversational read and a great conversation starter for people socialized as men like myself to reflect on how we are taught by society not to nurture the people in our lives nor Online Marketing even ourselves It s a book inspired by anssay called The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture The author of the Spoiled essay and this book develops through transcripts of conversations related ideas and themes including masculine nurturance attachment style and gaslighting Probably my favourite part of the book was the discussion of Secure Anxious and Avoidant attachment styles in Chapter 1 I liked the metaphor of the chair for insecure attachment styles and how if it s broken under you before you may think hard about sitting down again so you needxtra reassurance and comfort to get secureI found the description of dismissive avoidant attachment to be fairly The Business of Family Business enlightening and validating for my relationship with certain people in my life They may feel suffocated or trapped when people get too close and will unconsciously and involuntarily use deactivating strategies body language and facialxpressions The idea that they re pushing you away rejecting and saying no with their body language preventing secure attachment and no you re not imagining it is huge I also uite Healing Herbs Spices enjoyed their description of nurturance and attunement and see its implications in consent Nurturance recognizes and responds appropriately in an alive moving dance to the other person s need for intimacy and need for space learning how tongage in nonverbal communication that comforts reassures and breathes skill of attunement recognizing when someone wants to come close and when they want space not only by asking but also by reading subtle nonverbal cues My highlighted parts Introduction Attachment theory teaches us that true autonomy relies on feeling securely connected to other human beings Current developments in the field of attachment science have recognized that bonded pairs such as couples or parents and children build bonds that physiologically shape their nervous systems Contrary to many Western conceptions of the self as disconnected and atomized operating in isolation using nothing but grit and determination it turns out that close knit connections to others are in large part how we grow into our own fully xpressed autonomous selves belonging in human and nonhuman communities it seems to me is something like breathing in the invisible substance that sustains our life When we can recognize that fact we can turn our attention to the uality of the webs that contain and sustain us and grow their health and well being which is the same thing as growing our own we have relational responsibilities to one another regardless of our motional closeness Harm whether in the form of violation or neglect is then understood as a harm to the integrity of those bonds or as a failure to meet relational responsibilities Where we are born into privilege we are charged with dismantling any myth of supremacyentitlement Where we were born into struggle we are charged with claiming our dignity joy and liberation adrienne maree brown Emergent Strategy Opposite of masculine rape culture is masculine nurturance culture men increasing their capacity to nurture and becoming wholeCompassion for self and compassion for others grow together and are connected This means that men finding and recuperating the lost parts of themselves will heal veryone Chapter 3 Serena Bhandar s words When we say that only trans people transgress gender identity then we do not permit room for cis people who feel shame about their gender identity When we
Permit That Violence Against that violence against folks and create structures that permit that violence against trans folks we also permit that violence against cis folks who xperience those kinds of gender policing It s not that we are all the same Instead we all have the potential to be similar to Binary Sound (Boston, each other when we ascribe masculinity to a person we ascribe it as a stable definite attribute We don t recognize how it can break and change and be tossed aside Ch4 shame aversion is a powerfulmotional logic that connects otherwise incoherent Hidden (Otherworld Stories, emotional manipulation switchbacks and logical incoherence Thessence of gaslighting is this actively doing something to another person that uite xpectedly leads them to feel feelings sadness hurt confusion fear and then telling them or implying that they are crazy to feel those feelings because you did not do the thing that you did in fact do In other words messing with your sense of reality and undermining your sanity by saying something is not happening when it absolutely is Even good men don t really want women to trust themselves because that would give back some of the power and control that patriarchy gives men Ch 5 Ruby Smith D az s words Afrofuturism do character sketches imagining a world without oppression We ask what it would look like if we were truly free and unafraid to be who we are What would you look like What would you wear What would your superpower abilities be and how would you use them to bring healing into the world reminds me of introduction uestion What would it look like to belong in the world as our whole selves use as a person socialized as a woman in this society I
was taught that it s desirable to take up less space If we want a world that is different taught that it s desirable to take up less space If we want a world that is different that leaves behind all of the oppressive systems and values that we have we need to be able to heal ourselves because we mbody so many of those oppressive values and systems and perpetuate them in our livesWe absorb and replicate consciously and subconsciously the toxicity of the nvironments in which we are living Angela Y Davis Freedom Is a Constant StruggleCh 6 Aravinda Ananda Sham. “Violence is nurturance turned backwards” writes Nora Samaran In Turn This World Inside Out she presents Nurturance Culture as the opposite of rape culture and suggests how alternative models of care and accountability―different from “call outs” which are often rooted in the politics of.
free read Turn This World Inside OutE is when a person feels they are inherently bad or have no worth Healthy remorse on the other hand is uite different it is when you acknowledge that you did something to hurt someone and because you don t want that harmful impact to continue you would like to not only apologize but also repair that harm and when that harm does get recognized suddenly someone is a bad person and disposable But you can t shame someone out of a shame aversion This fragility response may be caused both by internalized shame and also by the conditioning into supremacy that creates an inherent xpectation of Human Error entitlement Countering both at the same time seems to help We like you we are not going to shun you or turn away from you you belong and have inherent worth as a human being and also this action this ingrainedntitlement and harmful behavior is not OK and needs to stop We will turn toward you connect with you and tell you no false identity that they are good because of the label of white and therefore they can t let feedback in that their actions have a negative impact because it challenges that sense of self worth references Janet E Helms work There is a kind of deep visceral betrayal of human trust that can magnify harm significantly when those around you do not Local Online Marketing even perceive it occurring And yet that is precisely how normalized systemic violence works it renders the harm normal and all resistance to harm disruptive There is healing from what has happened in the past but there is also creating conditions in which the people around you can recognize continuing oppression happening in an ongoing way right now and say no This reuires setting up conditions of kindness and unconditional acceptance while also clearlystablishing how actions that perpetuate systemic harm are not acceptable and need to stop Ch 7 Own Apologize ask for Repair name what you did apologize sincerely and lovingly and ask what the other person needs to make things right between us As a white woman I can do this with white people about racism or colonization because I am not paying the personal cost in my body of being attacked by them as they work out their shame and guilt over beginning to understand reality I can coddle and placate cough Les grands vaincus de l'histoire empathize and then find theirdge what they are willing to hear and then offer a wider lens because I am not in my body personally bearing the brunt of the violence it is so taken for granted in our culture that those with marginal subjectivity will constantly placate those who are dominantWELCOME ACCOUNTABILITY Ask yourself who the people are you would want to hold you accountable if you behaved in an abusive way If you are the kind of person who likes to know when you have caused harm then there are some valuable uestions about how to make that real How do you invite this information How do you welcome it How do you thank those who help you grow this way if they have to tell you because you have not figured it out for yourself Do you realize just how scary it can be to tell you before they know how you will react Do you confuse their fear of you for anger Is their fear in any way justified How can you make sure it is notIf your focus is on the fact that harm got named than it is on the harm itself does this strike you as peculiar Imagine replacing guilt with curiosity Imagine saying Wow it is so cool to recognize what
I DID I M EXCITED I CAN HEAR YOUdid I m No 91 A Belfast Ghost Story excited I can hear you grow I did this I did that here is why it is fucked up I m soxcited to learn how to come back into integrity with you I m so happy I can do this that it is OK to fuck up and say sorry and learn together This owning warms my heart Own Completely Do not hide what you have done Then ask Have I got you Do I understand and let the person clarify Mirror until you get it Give this the time that the person harmed feels is needed Say Wow thank you for sharing that with me I know how hard it can be to share something like this I m really grateful you took that risk and I m taking it to heart Here is what I m going to do concrete practical things to make sure I get better about this in the future Does that address the need Ch8 We care about you and will not discard you and we also will not accept that you do this it cannot go on we will not allow it instead of having this false divide between supposedly unmanipulated land and urban space we can ask have we cared for the land in a good way If the answer is no then what is our responsibility to change our ways of caring for and stewarding the landCh9 Alix Johnson There is no cultural context for you in which people assume that they hold together and so you re carving out solidarities one by one relationship by relationshipthe place I start a transformative justice intervention is small scale I think Who are two people who are going to show up for you Who are two people you can talk to about this I think about building from the ground up
"rather than assuming "than assuming is already there because building trust one by one is where a lot of people and communities are starting from The idea that we have relational responsibility only to those humans we love and no responsibility toward anyone Emarketing Excellence: Planning and Optimizing your Digital Marketing else is destroying the very fabric of human connection in Western societies I m not a coparent or an intimate partner or a best friend so I don t have stakes or a say in this When in fact we can often build trust and closeness and community by choosing to actively support survivors and actively interrupt violence and harm Not cutting ties permanently with someone who has caused harm butstablishing what is and is not OK to do and saying as a community or as individuals These are my boundaries when you can respect them we will talk is it possible to hold someone Sound and Fury (Drake Chronicles, else accountable or do they need to take accounta. Shame and guilt―can move toward inverting cultures of dominance and systems of oppression When communities are able to recognize and speak up about systemic violence center the needs of those harmed and hold a circle of belonging that humanizesveryone they create a revolutionary foundation of.